Online dating: How to spot duds

Beware of men who don’t post photos

SYDNEY — When Jane Coloccia set out to find her soulmate online she had no idea that eight years and 200 dates later she would end up an expert on the topic, writing a book and setting up a course to teach the pitfalls of web love.

Coloccia, now 45, was living in Manhattan and struggling to meet single, straight men when one of her friends met a man online and married him. She decided to give it a go.

Over the next few years, she was swamped with e-mails and instant messages from attentive men, some who told her she was beautiful, others who lied about their age, weight, hair, and marital status, and one who became her therapist.

Jane Coloccia, author of “Confessions of an Online Dating Addict: A True Account of Dating and Relating in the Internet Age” says that in her online dating experience married men tend not to post photographs of themselves, often won’t give a cellphone number and tend to instant message late at night.

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Learning along the way how to spot the liars, Coloccia has written a book, Confessions of an Online Dating Addict: A True Account of Dating and Relating in the Internet Age, tracking the highs, lows — and addiction — of online dating. She is also developing an online course on web dating.

“I would go on three or four dates a week. One Sunday I had three dates — brunch, lunch and dinner,” said Coloccia, who has her own public relations and marketing communications agency.

“It does get very seductive as it is nice to open up an email and someone to say you are beautiful and they want to meet you.”

The growth in the online dating industry has been massive and is expected to continue. Figures from market analyst Jupiter Research show revenue has almost doubled in the past three years to $1.04 billion in the United States alone and is expected to rise 16 per cent a year until 2012.

Coloccia said at first, she was nervous about going to meet the men she was talking to online. “My impression before I did this was that the people online were weirdos but that is just not the case,” she said.

But among the good people there were those who were dishonest about themselves and their reason for being online — as there are always creeps in any bar.

Coloccia said married men, for example, tended not to post a photograph of themselves, would not give a cellphone number and tended to instant message late at night.

Some men were just after one-night stands. Others would post old photographs when they were slimmer and had more hair.

“When I met one man for a date he was bald and fat and his photo must have been from 20 years ago. I told him he looked different and he explained it by saying he was wearing glasses and just had a haircut but that was the end of that,” she said.

First dates were usually over coffee, with dinner only booked once the man proved to be likable. She set geographical limits which knocked out the men in Russia, Malaysia or the West Coast of the United States.

She advises would-be daters to really question people before they meet and read their profiles well. She says steer clear of free dating sites where married men and ones after sex reside.

© Times Colonist (Victoria) 2008